Florida Breakaway 2010 The way I am!

Days and night they come and go,
But the past still invades my soul.
I don’t know how to ease the pain. 
So I cut myself to keep me sane.

I lost my parent. It changed my face.
 I was up rooted to an extremely vile place.
Misery is in my daily thoughts.
Please Lord save me. I cannot wait.

Grandpa was my best friend,
 he suddenly became ill,
they say that he is fading fast
 I’m not ready for him to leave.
 I fear the emptiness deep inside.
He is gone now and it makes me so sad. 
I hope that I will see him soon when my day comes to pass.

My mom and dad they are no more.
Is it my fault? I continue to ask.
The arguing and fighting are such a bore.
Where do I belong in this life?
I continue to explore.

I’m not acceptable to my friends and foe.
They snicker and avoid as I pass in the halls.
Please just talk to me as someone who cares.
You don’t understand the pain I don’t share.
Please be my friend! I will be the one you can confide.
What can I do to make them understand? That this life is only for a while.
Make friends with everyone not just the popular.  They will make you do things you don’t want to do to make you feel like you belong.
Just give me a chance.  I will give it my all. To be the best friend you so desire for all.

Parents, they have so much to learn.
If only they knew that their drinking shakes my sense of worth.
I never want to go home, because I know what awaits.
Another night listening to the senseless verbal rant and raves.
Out of control is what I fear. This may be the time the police will appear.

You say that I need to do my best, oh yes that is so true. 
I don’t know how to make this happen without your insistent pursuit. 
I want to make you happy. But I am but a lump of coal.
Teach me, guide me, direct my way just as the miners dig and blow.
Sometimes in a lump of coal there is a diamond to appear.
The process is grueling. Keep pressing on. A diamond is waiting to appear.
 Just give me a chance to prove myself and you will be proud of me again!

My siblings, they are so angry.  I feel like such a wimp.
 I don’t know how to make them stop.
They hit me with their fist.  The arguing and fighting tear me down. 
No matter what I do the feud will not be subdued!
Frustration is my friend lately.  I feel like I want to run.
But wherever I go, they will find me. So I don’t run and remain blue.
Lord help me to rely on you to help me through.
My thoughts and prayers I’m holding up to you!

I try so hard to be so good and they keep coming after me.
“Please don’t hurt me”, I cry out.  Please leave me be. 
Silence is my savior, he says to me.
A child I am and a child I should be.
No child should have to deal with this, why me?

He was my best friend.  He was my brother I never had. 
In life and death was our bond.
We shared everything with each other, even our bad behaviors.
I never thought it would come to this.
One morning he lay on the ground silent, there was no breath.
I believe it could have been me, lying on the ground.
 I was spared that day, for what I do not know.
God has a plan for me was the explanation that I received. 
I am confident that it is God that directs my path from now on.

This world it is not for me the pain. Frustration and anger.
I’m worthless to everyone around me. It would be better if I could disappear. 
I tried and tried but someone held me close… closer than ever before. 
Who is this that protects me from myself and gives me comfort I’ve never known.

Now we return to this world we left behind.  The hard work is to begin. 
This decision I have made is soon to be challenged. 
Lord give me the strength that I need to follow your path.
Protect me Lord as a walk through this day.  May my demons be tied up so that I can pray. 
Each minute of every day is yours Lord.  Keep me safe in your arms as I live day to day.